When the subtlest part of your film is Charlie Sheen's performance, you've got a problem. In Roman Coppola's sophomoric second feature (his 2001 debut CQ was promising), Sheen shows restraint as the titular asshole, a dissolute ad designer and solipsistic whiner who's mooning over the loss of his latest love. As he ponders his situation, we're treated to more of a wallow than a glimpse into his mind. Tooling about in a vintage Caddy decorated with graphics of eggs and bacon, Swan lapses into pseudo-Fellini-esque daydreams that are enacted in all their infantile glory, as when he and his buddy Kirby (Jason Schwartzman) flee the buxom, Nazi-uniform-clad commandos of the "Secret Society of Ball Busters." Hilarious. Not even Bill Murray can get away with appearing as John Wayne giving Swan macho advice — and a Winchester to deal with an attack by female warriors. Sadly, an allusion to dad Francis's The Conversation only underscores the discrepancy in talent.